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maybe relationships would go better if we didn’t feel anything.

based on a solely rational point of view, any relationship that is stable, and provides sex should thrive till the end of lives. it provides for all the biological and societal functions for which a relationship is sought.

it is love and passion (and the associate emotions of anxiety, powerlessness, fear, jealousy, anger, etc.) that fuck everything up. relationships built on love and trust have that awkward property of not lasting. it seems human beings tend to not remain lovable and trustworthy for much long.

my humble theory about it is that these feelings create relationships based on mutual dependence, and on the sense of exclusivity. this creates serious incentives for people to consider their significant other as the main or only source of justification and happiness. but as it turns out, all human beings are pretty fucked, have their flaws and make their mistakes. when you’ve got so much invested in an imperfect person, the disappointment is sure. to all sides.

but is the call for emotionless relationships warranted? certainly, it would solve the problem. for drones, anyway. but since we are naked apes that can’t get rid of their emotions, what’s one to do?

one option, the chosen one so far, has been to endure all the sadness and pain these eventually and obviously dysfunctional relations bring, for the greater goods of stability, nuclear family, children and frequent sex.

i say fuck that shit. let’s take the road rarely taken: individuality. a relationship in which all partners are self-justified and able to live happily on their own is much more likely to resist the turmoils of inter-subjective interaction. having less invested in their partners, people are much more able to overlook, forget or even forgive their flaws. being autonomous people, partners have little to no incentive to cling to relationships that are abusive, or that do not generally add to their welfare and happiness. 

maybe, under those circumstances, we are actually more able to see and feel people and admire them for what they are, not for how close they emulate our ideals of perfect investment. maybe this way we are closer to a meaning of love that is not similar to possession.

just maybe.

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